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27-Jul-2017 02:47

And when Mercury is in retrograde, we're powerless to its influence.

We get in fights, then we start even bigger fights.

Words cannot describe the awkwardness of this conversation.

(Well, there are probably a few that could, but I’m pretty sure they’re medieval/or German.) I decide to start by telling him that my mom calls him “Tinder Oliver”, Tinder included.

TO tells me his parents are “quite curious” about me and then jumps into a big reveal about a super personal family situation.

I decide that this is probably the appropriate time to come clean/tell him he was part of an experiment.

Fortunately, the orchid I had purchased for his mother, as I was supposed to be attending their family holiday celebrations, was also non-refundable.

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If you cherish your soul, do not try this in your own small-but-full-of-character studio apartment. Remember that Tame Impala concert we were supposed to go to? This was a big step up from the last time I had a toothbrush at a guy’s place (purchased/placed there by me) and he later texted me, asking if I could come pick it up/remove it.First of all, almost every single woman I know is incredibly interesting and I can name countless dudes who have the personality of a literal Adidas sandal.But beyond that, the deep-seated idea that most women are vain, self-absorbed and uninteresting is just that: a long-held belief by men, propelled by (male-driven) media.We never made it because we ended up attempting to grab a “quick bite” before at Alma. In short, I took this super-romantic dental implement as a sign that we were exclusive.

That quick bite turned into an intimate** three-hour dinner followed by a scary movie back at TO’s place. (I think I was actually right this time.) Fast-forward four days to us at another dinner.There goes that heroin habit idea.) To sum it all up, we covered a lot of emotional ground very early on/internally combusted a few days before Christmas.Unfortunately, the super cute inside joke gifts I had purchased for him were non-refundable.How many books did you read as a teenager that focused on a guy uninterested by all the vapid sluts in his school except for the one manic pixie dream girl who’ll take his life in a new direction of action and adventure? Dismissing most women out of hand as uninteresting or — even worse — “unable to hold a conversation” as it is untrue.

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